Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry..................Christmas so...........slow. I should've.........gotten..........Mom............DSL for..............Christmas.


I might post................more.................when................I have.....................more....................................patience.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Tis The Season To Be Frantic

Cram, cram, cram. I have about fitty-tree things to do before we head to Georgia. Considering I only started my holiday shopping about a week ago, I’m doing pretty well. Have a few more gifts to take care of. In addition to that, however, I still have to do laundry, pack, clean The Bird’s cage, set up The Bird’s travel cage, pack The Bird’s bag, tidy up the house, and make a list of stuff to pack that I will forget if I don’t make a list before I start packing. (Side note: Yes, having a bird is a lot like having a child. A future blog entry is in the works.)

"Sleigh Ride" I hate that song. It makes me want to rupture my eardrums with a bamboo skewer. I cringe every time I hear it.

Our server here at work is down. How am I supposed to finish my last minute holiday shopping during lunch if I can’t get on the freaking internet? Oh! How creepy! Right after I typed that sentence, I clicked on IE and lo and behold…I’m online! Yay! (Since I’m connected, does anyone need anything from Barnes and Noble?)

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Tis The Season To Be Tacky

After getting off the train this morning, I was sure that it had somehow turned into a time machine and took me back to 1986. Walking in front of me was a woman wearing:

a santa hat
black, pleather jacket
purple gloves
black, acid wash jeans
thick, scrunchy socks with the jeans tucked into them
Reebok sneakers (sadly, they were not high-tops)

The look was completed by the cigarette dangling out of her mouth with an inch long ash.

Some People Will Have A Happier Holiday Than Others

A few of the items recently found with Froogle:
dart board
ping pong table
diablo 2
glycolic acid
thank you cards
low rise jeans
pet door
pregnancy test
larry bird jersey
shoe horn
diamond earrings
gps watch
duct tape
lava lamp
chinese cleaver
grass seed
throwback jersey
kate spade handbag
waffle iron
fish oil
easy bake oven
kangol hat
buffalo meat
belle and sebastian
corduroy skirt
gold watch
hummingbird feeder

Is it acceptable to regift glycolic acid?

Monday, December 13, 2004

Things That Sound Dirty But Really Aren't

"Buck Lick"

Thanks to my fabulous co-worker, I now have a salt block in my backyard for our resident deer. Yay! A friend who will pick one of these up, bring it over to your house, put it in your yard, hang out in your yard and call you on your cell phone because you're not home to give you a backyard wildlife update, is a friend to keep forever. I'm glad at least one deer showed up while she and her husband were there, because they really deserved a reward for their salt block endeavors. I have been informed (by my co-worker, not the deer) that it is acorn flavored (read the package, did not try it for herself). I am resisting the urge to try it.

© Screaming Pea Productions

I have not yet seen the deer actually using the salt lick, but they are frequently hanging around. The Boss and I went outside Sunday morning to finish the storage shed and were soon surprised by four of them. We all just stared at each other for a while. Two of them easily cleared a portion of chain link fence on the property next to ours. The two others stayed on the other side because the gimpy one couldn't jump over the fence. I guess normally they would've come through our yard to get around it. We decided to go inside for a little bit, hoping that would let the two join up with the others. Gimpy and friend then headed off away from our yard, and showed up a few minutes later on the same side of the fence as the first two. Problem solved and all was well in Deerland.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Happiness Is...

a warm, snoring dog drooling on my lap.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

This May Be The End

Nooooooooooo. Please tell me this isn't real. Not THE CLOCK. I can handle spyware. Viruses and worms, even. But for the love of all that is holy, I cannot deal with time telling inaccuracies.

On a related note, Panicware has a really good and free pop-up stopper.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Open Letter To Those Beyond The Grave

Dear Ghosts, Souls, Spirits, Ghouls, Phantoms, and specifically John Wayne and Lizzie Borden:

If I may be so bold, I would like to request that several of you band together to stage a pistol-whipping of extra-special proportions. Please.

Thank you.

Invert "Searching For My Ouija Board Keychain" Girl

I Am Embarassed To Be Among The Living

Has anyone been following the Ghost Cane auction on ebay and the hoopla that has ensued? What started out as a creative mom finding a way to try to ease her 5 year-old's fears has turned into a circus for people with way too much time on their hands. Golden Palace Casino bought the ghost/cane for $65,000. (Side note: Last month they paid $28,000 for a grilled chesse sandwich that bears the image of the Virgin Mary.) Seriously. I can't make this shit up, people. I'm cutting Golden Palace some slack, however, because they give a ton of money to many different charities. Their fundraising methods may be a little tacky, but it works.

Other Opportunists:

The bottom-feeders who have simply copied Mary Anderson's auction (some even using the picture of her deceased father) to make a quick buck.

The variations on a theme folks. And another.

The holiday variations on a theme folks. And another.

The pathetic attempt folks. (C'mon...we all know that's part of your odds-and-ends college silverware collection.)

The downright creepy folks. Eew eew eew eew eew.

The folks who think they're funny.

The folks who are rather funny. And another. And another.

The folks who post useless crap that people buy even though it's totally useless.

Even folks who are not yet ghosts are getting in on the action.

This is completely and totally out of hand. I am having a serious problem wrapping my brain around this.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmakwanzukkah

Decorations are appearing in mass. Music is filling the air. It's getting colder by the day. And Invert Girl has not yet started her holiday shopping. This is a problem. Usually by now I have a detailed spreadsheet with everyone's names, gift ideas, web site links, etc. This year I'm totally stumped. I've had to resort to asking people what they want, which I hate doing, but it has to be done. I don't know where the time went. Thank goodness for Froogle.

Hmmm...maybe I will just make everyone their very own, original work of art in MS Paint.

Here are the first three of a series called "Variations on a Bucking Barrel"

© Screaming Pea Productions

© Screaming Pea Productions

© Screaming Pea Productions