Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Bit Overdue

West Virginia Camping Weekend went well. Two of our friends met at our house the Friday morning before Memorial Day and we loaded up the truck, trailer, and Jeep, cranked up Willie Nelson's Midnight Rider and headed for the mountains. Traffic was a little slow heading west out of DC, but thanks to the informative truckers on CB channel 19 we knew that once we passed exit 42 it would be smooth sailing. Best CB quote from the weekend? "I hope all these sons of bitches knows where they're goin'. 'Cause if they don't, they're fucked." Listening to CB chatter is generally way more entertaining than any book on tape.

Friday evening we set up camp, caught up with the few of The Boss' family members that were already there, and went on a midnight 4-wheeler ride with Uncle T. I unintentionally ate a bug.

We woke up Saturday morning to rain. It wasn't supposed to let up for a while, so we decided to head into town, shower at Uncle T.'s house, and then drive over to The Boss' hometown. As soon as we left Uncle T.'s, the sun came out. We got to Hometown in about an hour and ate at The Boss' favorite restaurant. Best. Onion rings. Ever. I was extremely happy to finally be at a dining establishment that had real sweet tea. (Note to DC restaurants: Sweet tea is not you bringing me a glass of unsweet tea and a few packets of sugar and artificial sweetener. That is simply just gross.) After lunch we swung by Grandma B's place for a visit and then to the store to get more beer and also veggies because our bodies were going into carb shock. By the time we got back to camp that evening, The Boss' dad and his kids had arrived as well as Uncle G. and his family. The rain arrived upon our return, and the four of us were blamed for it. I took no responsibility because when one is traveling in a truck with three lawyers, one does not have to.

Sunday was beautiful and rain free. After breakfast, assembly of the ATV convoy began. It was briefly interrupted by The Boss' brother catching a large rainbow trout. We all went to "ooh" and "ahh" over the fish and then Operation Trout Resuscitation began. It was just like one of those dolphin releases you see on Animal Planet except that there were no cameras, no tears, no one in a wetsuit, no PETA freaks, and no endangered animal. I have to say I was a little perplexed as to why no one was going to keep the fish and eat it. But I was glad that Mr. Trout would be able to live on and tell all of his river friends about his alien abduction.

Convoy assembly resumed and Uncle T. led us on a three hour ride complete with deer sightings, storytelling, bird watching, outdoor urination, and scenic views. He also showed us how to get to the beer joint. (You know...if you're too drunk to drive to get more beer.) The trail dumps out about 100 yards from the Riverview SomethingOrOther bar. I'm assuming this is logic that makes sense only under intoxication, because there were parts of the trail that I could barely get through sober without dumping myself down the mountain or in the river. Can't get a DUI on an ATV, however you can kill yourself a lot easier.

Sunday night turned into campfire storytime. I laughed 'til I hurt. The entertainment consisted of stories including drunken dental hygeine, shooting at things, being shot at, saluting outhouses, various animal mishaps, and someone's wife driving for 30 miles on a flat tire ("Uh...the car's making a funny noise."). I was crowned with Best Technique-S'mores Marshmallow Melting, and have been instructed to add that as a resume booster. While discussing moonshine, Uncle G. came out with the best colloquialism of the trip. "That shit is so strong it'll make you take stuff back you never stole." Yes...yes it is.

Monday was pack up and get the hell outta dodge before it rains day. Went for one last short ATV ride and took pictures down by the river. I combated car sickness by sleeping for most of the trip home. We picked up The Dog and The Bird, who had a wonderful time at our friends' house. The Dog was like, "Oh...are you back? Whatever. They love me here." And The Bird was like, "Screech! Screech! Prettybird. What? What? What?"

And then our happy but pooped family went home and ate dinner and went to bed and passed out.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Love Is...

Love is letting a certain someone out of her cage for three hours, knowing full well that there is a 100% chance that this certain someone will:
- pull half my hair out of the ponytail holder
- pull several hairs out of my head
- chew on the ponytail holder
- scream in my ear
- aggressively help me eat my lunch
- try to drink out of my glass
- try to take a bath in my glass when she's finished drinking
- attempt to dismantle everything within reach
- poop on me approximately twelve times

But she's just so darn cute...

© Screaming Pea Productions

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I Had A "Bunny Hugger" Moment Today

But really, I don't think anyone will hold it against me given the fact that when I looked out our back door window this afternoon, I saw the CUTEST STINKING THING. EVER.

© Screaming Pea Productions

Monday, June 20, 2005

Blue Screen Of Death Victim #2,748,924,653

A couple weeks ago, our laptop hard drive crashed like a NASCAR pileup, only with a lot less fire and a lot more cursing. I have some advice for you all: BACK UP YOUR HARD DRIVE! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 (because seriously, that 200 bucks only puts a dent in the hard drive retrieval fee). BACK THAT THANG UP NOW!

The Boss and I both did really well in not having a nervous breakdown when it happened. Thankfully most, if not all, of our files were retrievable. We had our priorities. First, our photos. Second, AOL emails. Third, tax files. Fourth, whatever is left but please make sure you try to get all the photos. I'm sure the computer guy was perplexed, "These people are paying me to recover nine billion pictures of a dog. I think they're all of the same dog."

Our photo collection is a bit biased towards one of our kids. It's not that we love The Bird less. She's just not as photogenic as The Dog. And when The Bird is out and about, I'm either occupied with preventing her from destroying windowsills, pillows and anything with buttons, or I'm playing "Catch the Poo Before It Lands on the Couch or The Boss."

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Warning For Those Who Know My Mom

Mom's reading this so please don't mention any of the times I...lied about where I was going, consumed illegal substances, used incorrect punctuation, skipped school, ran with scissors, didn't go to church, tried to sell my little sister to gypsies, spoke ill words about Randy Travis, etc.

Warning to Mom: I don't always type with the belief that Jesus is watching me.

Extreme Blog Makeover

So I finally got around to reactivating most of my posts. Some posts remain respectfully hidden. I reserve the right to delete comments if I feel it's necessary.

West Virginia Camping Weekend Review to be posted soon, complete with the newest colloquialism from The Boss' uncle!