Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Bit Overdue

West Virginia Camping Weekend went well. Two of our friends met at our house the Friday morning before Memorial Day and we loaded up the truck, trailer, and Jeep, cranked up Willie Nelson's Midnight Rider and headed for the mountains. Traffic was a little slow heading west out of DC, but thanks to the informative truckers on CB channel 19 we knew that once we passed exit 42 it would be smooth sailing. Best CB quote from the weekend? "I hope all these sons of bitches knows where they're goin'. 'Cause if they don't, they're fucked." Listening to CB chatter is generally way more entertaining than any book on tape.

Friday evening we set up camp, caught up with the few of The Boss' family members that were already there, and went on a midnight 4-wheeler ride with Uncle T. I unintentionally ate a bug.

We woke up Saturday morning to rain. It wasn't supposed to let up for a while, so we decided to head into town, shower at Uncle T.'s house, and then drive over to The Boss' hometown. As soon as we left Uncle T.'s, the sun came out. We got to Hometown in about an hour and ate at The Boss' favorite restaurant. Best. Onion rings. Ever. I was extremely happy to finally be at a dining establishment that had real sweet tea. (Note to DC restaurants: Sweet tea is not you bringing me a glass of unsweet tea and a few packets of sugar and artificial sweetener. That is simply just gross.) After lunch we swung by Grandma B's place for a visit and then to the store to get more beer and also veggies because our bodies were going into carb shock. By the time we got back to camp that evening, The Boss' dad and his kids had arrived as well as Uncle G. and his family. The rain arrived upon our return, and the four of us were blamed for it. I took no responsibility because when one is traveling in a truck with three lawyers, one does not have to.

Sunday was beautiful and rain free. After breakfast, assembly of the ATV convoy began. It was briefly interrupted by The Boss' brother catching a large rainbow trout. We all went to "ooh" and "ahh" over the fish and then Operation Trout Resuscitation began. It was just like one of those dolphin releases you see on Animal Planet except that there were no cameras, no tears, no one in a wetsuit, no PETA freaks, and no endangered animal. I have to say I was a little perplexed as to why no one was going to keep the fish and eat it. But I was glad that Mr. Trout would be able to live on and tell all of his river friends about his alien abduction.

Convoy assembly resumed and Uncle T. led us on a three hour ride complete with deer sightings, storytelling, bird watching, outdoor urination, and scenic views. He also showed us how to get to the beer joint. (You know...if you're too drunk to drive to get more beer.) The trail dumps out about 100 yards from the Riverview SomethingOrOther bar. I'm assuming this is logic that makes sense only under intoxication, because there were parts of the trail that I could barely get through sober without dumping myself down the mountain or in the river. Can't get a DUI on an ATV, however you can kill yourself a lot easier.

Sunday night turned into campfire storytime. I laughed 'til I hurt. The entertainment consisted of stories including drunken dental hygeine, shooting at things, being shot at, saluting outhouses, various animal mishaps, and someone's wife driving for 30 miles on a flat tire ("Uh...the car's making a funny noise."). I was crowned with Best Technique-S'mores Marshmallow Melting, and have been instructed to add that as a resume booster. While discussing moonshine, Uncle G. came out with the best colloquialism of the trip. "That shit is so strong it'll make you take stuff back you never stole." Yes...yes it is.

Monday was pack up and get the hell outta dodge before it rains day. Went for one last short ATV ride and took pictures down by the river. I combated car sickness by sleeping for most of the trip home. We picked up The Dog and The Bird, who had a wonderful time at our friends' house. The Dog was like, "Oh...are you back? Whatever. They love me here." And The Bird was like, "Screech! Screech! Prettybird. What? What? What?"

And then our happy but pooped family went home and ate dinner and went to bed and passed out.

2 comments:

searching_monkey said...

It is good to read something from you that is sooo long. I like long things. Comes with the genes I suppose. But I digress.

Heath and I guessed that you must be really bored in the Nam, but it is surely a pleasure to have such wit and charm on the internet these days.

Much love,
Craig writing on the behalf of himself and his other better half.

Anonymous said...

"The rain arrived upon our return, and the four of us were blamed for it. I took no responsibility because when one is traveling in a truck with three lawyers, one does not have to."
Dude, two words: QUOTE LIST.
Heheheheheheheheheheheheheh.
I MISS YOU!!!!
Signed,
Who the Frig' Else???