The Boss On IKEA

Last weekend we had to return some shelving to IKEA. As The Boss was booting up the computer to check their return policy she stated:

"It'd be kind of crazy if IKEA required a receipt. I mean, it's not like you bought the Kerflerfendorfer somewhere else."

We are IKEA junkies. Our entertainment center, bedroom furniture, kitchen cabinets and other various things around the house are from IKEA. I think Sweden claims to be a neutral country in order to cover up their great plan, which is to take over the world by selling trendy furniture that packs flat enough to fit into a Festiva. Okay, maybe not that flat, but you can secure your table to the top of your Festiva with the provided string and cardboard roof racks. We resist the urge to follow people home just to see what falls off before they get ther.

Fun IKEA link: IKEA Walkthrough v2.3.1

Check This Shirt Out

If you're a unique t-shirt fan (or even if you're not) check out this shirt by my very talented friend, riggie (as in "Approximately riggie" in my side bar). It's an awesome design - haunting and homey all at the same time (you really can't go wrong with crop circles).

There are only 5 days left to vote (you have to register to vote, but it's free). Click here to register.

Once I Figure Out All Of My iPod's Capabilities, You'll Never See Me Again

The Boss got me an iPod for Christmas. It arrived the day before we left for Georgia. She loaded the software that evening and quickly put a hefty chunk of her MP3s on it. I now have 619 songs (aka - 1.27 days of music). That's a lotta freakin' music. And there is room for 4,381 more songs. Are you kidding me? 5,000 songs total? I don't think there are even 5,000 songs I like. I guess I'll find out.

I heart my iPod.

Warning: Updates Below May Not Be Worth Reading

So, the holiday updates are finally up. They're not really entertaining. They're more like a book report of "Invert Girl's Holiday Experience." I posted them below under January 3rd for anyone who wants to read 'em.

Honey Is Not A Spice

My wonderful girlfriend (aka The Boss) stopped by the store last night to get me things that would help me recover from the flu. On my list was honey (for tea). The Boss got home with the groceries and as we were putting them away declared, "Honey is not a spice." I kind of chuckled and she went on to explain how she looked all up and down the spice aisle, and then a couple of other aisles for honey. Finally, she had to ask one of the store clerks where it was. I then asked, "It's on the aisle with the peanut butter and jelly, right?" The Boss said, "Yep." I was then, for a brief second, horrified that I knew exactly where the honey was at the grocery store. If there's a video game for domestication, I've just reached Level 7.

Watching Buffy. For The First Time. Ever.

Episode: Superstar - Buffy tries to figure out why the town thinks a former high-school nerd is now a superhero.

Huh? Wasn't expecting that type of theme song.

Hello American Pie girl!

Who's the guy in black (Jonathan?) that's organizing the ass kicking? I thought Buffy was the head ass kicker.

I'm confused already.

Gratutious shirtless guy scene.

Oh, I get it. The guy in black is the nerd turned superhero referred to in the synopsis.

Girl with binoculars is gonna die (or at least get maimed).

Commercial break: "The Original Lens Dr. glides on smooth." I had to look up to see what they were selling.
A reality horse racing show? Isn't horse racing already real?

Back from commercial.

Girl with binoculars is getting maimed. (See, I told you.)

Okay, this Jonathan guy is everywhere and he's really getting on my nerves. So far he's been head ass kicker, author, relationship counselor, military strategist and now a lounge singer. I might have picked the wrong episode to watch.

Jonathan also plays the trumpet.

Maimed girl seeks out Mr. Trumpet for help.

Commerical break: Judging from this commerical, the plasitic surgery in Nip/Tuck, is either done with guns or is the result of there being a lot of guns. Point Pleasant has some Carrie undertones. Die Hard 2 will be on Monday at 8pm for the 9 millionth time.

Back from commercial.

The monster who attacked Maimed Girl has a Pink Floyd tattoo on its forehead.

Who is the guy who looks like he's from the Borg on Star Trek? Surely he doesn't go out in public like that.

Jonathan's fireplace is almost as tall as he is (approximately 4', 10") .

Eek! Jonathan has the triangle tattoo, too!

Oh, now homely girl is going to get maimed.

See, I told you.

Can't anyone get maimed around here without resulting in a commercial break?

Commercial break: Geico needs some new commercial ideas.
I must be 12 years old because the Cox commercials still make me chuckle. "Now Cox is fater than ever." "Cox is way faster." "Cox is fast. And fast is beautiful." I have a friend who used to work for Cox. Among the many things that Cox handed out at trade shows (pens, mousepads, mugs, magnets, etc.) they had lollipops with the company name on it. Cox suckers.

Back from commercial.

Homely girl just said something in a foreign language and sprayed monster-off from her sleeves. That's handy.

How does a slayer find the time to keep her hair so shiny and healthy?

Meeting of the minds. Blah blah blah.

Giles is a cutie.

Hmmmmm....Buffy's on to something. Alternate universe. Yadda yadda yadda.

So, Spike's a bad guy who's sometimes good? Or at least an informant?

Cave scene. Dark. Creepy music. Commercial break........NOW. (See, I told you.)

Commercial break: The Phantom of the Opera should not be made into a movie unless Michael Crawford will be playing the Phantom. I luff him. He is the one and only true Phantom and anyone else will just suck, dammit.

Back from commercial.

Hey! What happened to the maiming in the cave scene??? Less talkin', more ass whoppin'.

Okay, maiming is back. Buffy is starting to kick ass. The monster looks like a big, hairy testicle with limbs. Gross.

Buffy sufficiently kicked ass. The monster is dead and the Jonathan spell/alternate reality is over.

And now we get to the "what we've learned/after school special" portion of the show.

Gratuitous make out scene.

And we're done.

Riggie, please tell me this is one of the not-so-great episodes.

I Need To Work On My Dogspeak

The dog did not want me to play with her.
She wanted me to get out of her chair.


© Screaming Pea Productions

Warning: Work Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

Apparently my immuse system was unable to handle the shock of being back at work for two days after the holiday break. I've been at home with the flu since Wednesday. Maybe I can get a doctor's note stating that in the best interest of my health, I must stay on vacation.

The Dog is thoroughly disgusted with me. I keep getting the "You are just sitting on your ass doing nothing when you should be playing with me" look. Believe me, Dog, I'd like to be playing with you, but I'd also like to not hack up a lung. You understand, right? (The look on her face and occasional whine indicate that she does not understand.)

I'm finally feeling well enough to get on the computer, so hopefully I'll get some holiday recap blogging done.

The Nanny comes on like, 53 times during the day.

The Merry Part

It was nice to be home for over a week. No vacation is ever long enough, but this one didn't seem as rushed as years past. We drove down on the 23rd and spent that night at the Boss' mom and step-dad's house. Ususally, I only see my In-laws for a few hours when we make trips home, but this time I stayed overnight and spent most of the 24th there. We had their traditional Christmas Eve pizza dinner and exchanged gifts. It's always hard to figure out what gifts to get them. This year the theme was their Granddog and I think it was a hit. I also got to spend some time with them on Christmas Day because I accidentally left a bag of gifts for my family at their house and had to drive back up Christmas morning.

I spent part of Christmas Eve at my family's house and then trekked over to Nell's parents' house for the traditional get together. There are a bunch of us that have been friends since elementary school and we've always spent Christmas Eve at their house for at least the past ten years (maybe more?). After her parents' guests had gone, we all made like elves and put the toys together for the kids that were from Santa. Definitely a movie moment and a lot of fun.

We did family Christmas late on Christmas Day. My Sis had to work a 12 hour shift because unfortunately, criminals do not take the holidays off. (I should probably clarify the previous statement. My sister is not a criminal. She's a supervisor for 911 dispatch.) Every year my parents set a $20 limit for gifts, which I think is funny because no one ever stays within that limit. I'm really psyched about the bird feeder that Santa got me for our backyard. Even though I started my Christmas shopping really late this year, I did pretty well with the family gifts and managed to find 4 or 5 things for each of them.

I made a day trip to Athens the week after Christmas. Spent time with some friends and also visited Bear Hollow, where I was a volunteer zookeeper. Lucky for me they were having open house during the afternoons that week and the Director was there. It was great talking to him and catching up on what's been going on with them since I left. They've gotten more funding and the city is paying more attention to them. They have some new enclosures going up, work is almost completed on their new building that will house offices and kitchen and medical areas, and they're also trying to become accredited. Most of the animals that I worked with back in 1998-99 are still there, and I was so happy to see them all again. I'll post pictures once I get around to it.

The Boss and I drove back on New Year's Day. We both had to be at work on Monday and knew that if we waited and drove back on Sunday, we'd lose most of our sanity. Traffic wasn't too bad and we got home between 9 and 10pm Saturday night. Went to bed right after we unloaded our luggage and The Kids, and we all slept in until about 2pm on Sunday (Yes, even The Bird).

It Can't All Be Merry And Happy

According to a recent PSA test, Dad's cancer is back. There is a chance that the test is a false positive, and we'll find out more over the next couple of weeks after further testing is done. He had surgery November of 2003 for prostate cancer and everything indicated that the cancer was removed and gone. Apparently not. Or new cancer has popped up. For right now, I'm trying not to worry until we get the results from the follow-up tests. The doctor has already discussed radiation and chemo options with dad to some extent, so it's hard to be hopeful that the PSA test was incorrect. (Update: The second PSA test was higher. The scans and other tests didn't show that that cancer had settled anywhere, so Dad will have 8 weeks of radiation as a preventative measure. Not sure when he'll start treatment.)

Gramma is doing okay. She looked a lot better than I thought she would. She was admitted to the hospital in early December for intestinal bleeding, and after two days of tests, it was determined that the problem fixed itself. Well okay. Whatever works. Her Dr. was concerned about her blood pressure, but he knows she's not going to take any medication for it, respects her wishes and lifestyle (she's Christian Scientist), and sent her on her way home and told her to eat and drink whatever she wanted to. She's 91 years old and suffering from common ailments that just happen when your body gets that old. It's hard going home and seeing how her health has deteriorated. I get home every 4 to 6 months, so it's a lot more noticeable to me, than to my family members who see her every day. But given the fact that she's 91, I guess she's doing alright. Mom has a nurse that stays at the house while she's at work. I met her briefly for the first time last week. She's really nice and Gramma likes her. She was a full time nurse for many years, has since retired, and just does part-time work now. Mom and my Sister and I had to sit down and have a "what are our options" talk before I left. That was rough. Mom wants to keep Gramma at home as long as possible, but the time may come when that's no longer feasible. So now we have to start looking into the local "old folks homes" and find out about their facilities, waiting list, etc. I told mom it would be better to do it now and have all the information, rather than wait and have to make a hurried decision should Gramma's health take a turn for the worse. I love my Gramma more than anyone. She's lived with us since I was born and the reality that someday she's not going to be around anymore is making me a total wreck.

My Sister's marriage still isn't great. Her husband is somewhat lazy, unmotivated, irresponsible and financially stupid. People occasionally ask her when they're going to have a kid. She usually answers, "When my husband stops being one." My Sis also used to be somewhat lazy, unmotivated, irresponsible and financially stupid, but she finally grew up to be a very productive member of society. She's become an amazing person and she deserves better.

I rang in the New Year with an ear infection and the flu. For a couple of hours on New Year's Day, I thought I was going to die from nausea. I couldn't understand why I felt so horrible when I'd only had one and a half mixed drinks and one or two glasses of champagne. We had to pick up stuff at The Boss' parent's house that morning before we drove back to DC. Once we got there, they went into medical triage mode with beverages, vaporizing, menthol drops and decongestant, which helped after a while. I slept most of the 2nd, went to work feeling crappy on the 3rd and 4th, and then woke up on the 5th feeling like I'd been hit by a truck and was out of work for three days.

I will now end the "Debbie Downer" portion of the holiday update.