Sunday, November 28, 2004


I'm thankful for all of the standard things that I should be thankful for: The Boss, The Dog, The Bird, The Family, The Friends.

I'm thankful for my friends at work and their "odd" senses of humor. They make it easier to get through the rough days.

I'm thankful for the zoo, for the dedication of the zoo staff, and I'm especially thankful that I get to volunteer there.

I'm thankful for a great Thanksgiving trip to West Virginia and being able to spend time with The Boss' family.

Scene I: The Boss, The Dog and I are helping Grandma with Thanksgiving dinner
Grandma B: accidentally drops a raw egg on the kitchen floor and says to The Dog
Don't come in here and eat that or you'll get gonorrhea.
The Boss and I: howl with laughter until we're crying
Grandma B: laughing No wait...I mean salmonella.

Scene II: Girl Cousin, age 3-ish and Boy Cousin, age 5-ish are at the window watching The Boss play fetch with The Dog
Boy Cousin: No Doggie! You can't go over there.
Girl Cousin: Don't tell The Dog where she can't go. She's The Dog. She can go where she wants to.
Boy Cousin: No she can't.
Girl Cousin: I'll break your head! immediately followed by a fit of high-pitched laughter

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


© Screaming Pea Productions
Poision Dart Frog?
National Aquarium in Baltimore

I was going through some of my photos last night and found this little guy.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Or You Could Shorten the Name To "Not Done"

The "New York Ave - Florida Ave - Gallaudet U" metrorail station will have it's grand opening tomorrow. From the looks of the station, however, I'm a bit skeptical. You know on Trading Spaces when they get to the part where they have an hour left, and the rooms are still in shambles? That's what the NYAFAGU station looked like today.

Now some of you may be thinking, "But they always manage to finish on Trading Spaces." Yeah, they do. But in that scramble to finish they usually end up securing things with a staple gun and hot glue. That might be okay for TV. I would think that a train station needs work of a slightly higher quality.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Overdue Update: Wanda Sykes' Show

The Boss took the spotlight Friday night with a fabulous one-liner that stumped the opening act.

Picture it: Keith Robinson is doing a bit about marriage. He doesn't understand why anyone would protest to get married. Only gay people want it enough to protest for it. Let 'em have it. He doesn't care. The Boss and I are sitting second row, center and I guess he picked us out as the stereotypical lesbian couple.

Keith: looks at The Boss and asks Would you protest to marry her? and points to me
The Boss: looks at me and then looks at him funny and says She's my sister.
(Immediate laughter from everyone within earshot. I laugh so hard I almost pee.)
Keith: (Look of, "I was totally not expecting that response, now what the hell do I say.") she's your sister.
(Roar of laughter from the entire audience.)
Keith: Well...I guess you'd have to protest for that, too.
The Boss: No, I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. She's not my sister and yes, I'd protest to marry her.
(Applause from the folks within earshot, with enthusiastic applause from the lesbian couple sitting in our section.)

Wanda was extremely awesome. There were times when I laughed so hard my face hurt. I also love when comedians crack themselves up, which she did a few times. You know it's some funny shit when the person telling the joke has to stop what they're saying to lean on a stool and have their own laughing fit. I highly recommend you check out her appearance schedule and go see her.

Friday, November 12, 2004

For The Dog

Happy 8th Birthday!!!

© Mudd's Biggest Fans
Then (6 weeks old)

Now (8 years old)

Do Something (Part II)

Trial size toiletries can be really heavy if you buy about 50 of them. No, I don't have an unhealthy obsession with mini soaps and lotions. (Okay...well...actually I do, but not this time.) I'm getting stuff together for care packages to send to folks in our military. Today is becoming the slowest day ever. It's cold and rainy. And I'm antsy. So during lunch, I wandered down to the corner drugstore and bought a basket full of soap, lotion, toothpaste/brushes, razors, etc. All of it is stuff that we take for granted, but to a lot of the U.S. soldiers stationed overseas, the stuff is more precious than gold.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Do Something (Part I)

Today I donated all of my Delta Skymiles to Operation Hero Miles/Fisher House Foundation to help US troops in Afghanistan and Iraq get home when they are on leave.

After last week's election, I decided that I wanted to start doing more to make a difference. I'm going to post things here to help me keep track. And everyone feel free to harass me if I've gone a while without a "Do Something" post. Also, I'll be posting/changing the sidebar links periodically.

Special thanks to riggie for her post that helped get my ass in gear.

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

On The Election

I am reserving the right to still become depressed at times throughout the next four years, but for the most part I will cowboy up and do my part to get the Democrats back on track. This wake-up call sucks, but at least there's hope of stopping the handbasket before it gets to the border.

Monday, November 08, 2004

I Am Covered In Lint And I Don’t Care

Dear Today,

Please hurry up and be over with. I have no use for you.

Rethinking my decision to wear a gray sweatshirt over a black shirt,
Invert Girl

I just want to be at home, curled up in my sleeping bag on an air mattress in our sunroom. The weather is perfect for that today – a little bit chilly and not overly sunny. I opened the blinds here at work thinking the niceness of the day would help me feel better. It actually just made me sad that I’m at work, so the blinds are now closed.

I have a bunch of updates I want to post (the Wanda Sykes show and weekend fun, in particular) but I just don’t have the energy now.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

In Case You're Wanting To Get The Hell Outta Dodge

Electing to Leave: A reader’s guide to expatriating on November 3

Are any of the airlines running one-way post-election specials?

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

"Bush identifies with his core by showing no understanding of the issues." -Kent Jones, Air America

Random Thoughts While Watching Election Coverage

CNN alone is sending cosmetic stocks through the roof. Possibly morticians wax stocks as well. Are those guys really real?

I'm doing a shot (of water) for every electoral vote that goes to Kerry.

Judy Woodruff creeps me out.

I've started drinking (hard cider).

Bob Woodward just used the phrase "valium cooler." What exactly is that and where can I get one?

John Kerry is going to win because our dog is wearing her Democrat Blue collar.

A guy outside the CNN studio has a shirt on that says "Fuck This Shit"

The Boss is making an Excel spreadsheet of Electoral Votes.

I have finished a phone conversation with my mom in which I:
blamed her for Georgia going to Bush
told her I would not be calling her when Kerry wins because I will be too drunk
passed along The Boss' statement that my mom was watching (i.e. Fox News)

It is 9:53pm and a gang of annoying people have taken over CNN.

Jenna Bush has some really freaking ugly green pumps.

Joe uh Lockhart is uh really uh really uh umm uh boring. Da bears.

Thank you Daily Show. Thank you. I need you right about now.

Rev. Al Sharpton cracks me up.

The Boss is getting depressed and negative. She needs to drink more and faster.

Wolf Blitzer has missed his calling as a Home Shopping Network host.

I have moved on to hard liquor (gin and tonic).

This Just In - There is other news going on in the world. Who knew?

It's been a while since we've had some solid polling results.

Break in the normal voting coverage to give us the election version of News of the Wierd: Michael Moore is putting cameras in polling places
An astronaut is voting from space

Dammit Ohio. C'mon people.

The gin was starting to hit me a little to hard so I've switched to Jack and coke. (Really...that statement makes sense in my world.)

Yes we know, states are banning gay marriage. Because gays are the ones who are destroying the sanctity of marriage. Nevermind divorce, adultery, reality TV shows. It's the gays.

Sucking down the Jack 'n' coke

I hear Canada has a pretty good healthcare system. And they like the gays. Hmmmm.......

I want Martin Sheen to be President. The Martin Sheen from West Wing. Aaron Sorkin can be VP. I'd vote for that. Twice.

I look forward to a a land far, far away...when and where Michael Jackson is no longer a news regular.

Rockefeller Center is not as impressive in person as it seems on TV. I know. I was there two years ago in November, for the first time ever. Yes, I had never been to New York before 2002. The Boss' mom took us there for a day outing to see Our Town (w/Paul Newman and Jane Curtain, which was really cool). I had always wanted to go to New York City. Once there, the Boss made a slight correction to my aspirations: "Apparently, you had always wanted to visit a sound stage of New York City." TV definitely makes it look different. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to go back and spend more time there, but TV New York and Real Life New York look completely different.

Kerry 206. Bush 207. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. The suspense is killing me.

The Dog is curled up on the couch like she's coming down from a long bender. She looks like we feel.

Hi P. Diddy! Vote or Die, baby. Vote or Die! Glad you got some air time.

Florida sucks. Bastards. I hated living there and now I hate the whole state (with the exception of the FANTASTIC Santa Fe Community College Teaching Zoo (and all the other animal places) and my family and friends that live there).

The Bird just made noises similar to the sound effects from the shower scene in Psycho.

Ohio is now in the "States that Invert Girl Hates" category.

Maybe we should've put the red collar on The Dog.

Now I will go cry, fold the laundry and go to bed.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I Voted Dammit!

© Screaming Pea Productions

Either a disproportionate amount of the population has last names that begin with the letters A-G, or a big chunk of people with last names beginning with the letters H-Z were abducted by aliens last night (at least in Northern Virginia anyway). Or maybe the A-G voters are just really slow. Or the H-Z folks are evening voters. This morning I just breezed right on into the H-O line and voted. Then I had to wait in the parking lot for The Boss since we carpooled, and she's an A-G person. As I sleepily stood in the nice, warm sun, these are the thoughts that went through my head:

My sister's birthday is this week. I guess I could send her flowers. I really don't know what else to send her. I don't know of anything she needs, except for maybe a new husband. I don't think she'd like a new husband - not from me anyway. I can't even pick out clothes she likes, so my chances of picking out a husband that she likes are about a billion to one. I bet her current husband wouldn't like the new husband either. I wonder if he knows how much I don't like him. I probably shouldn't bring that up over the holidays.

Hey, weren't the terrorists supposed to disrupt our elections? Maybe they thought that last Bin Laden tape would be disruptive. If they did, they really overestimated themselves.

I have a lot of admiration for people who can effortlessly back up large vehicles, like garbage trucks, into small spaces.

Shit. I forgot to put our trash out. Or is today recycling day? I just looked at the letter last night and I've already forgotten which day is which. Oh well, it doesn't matter because I didn't remember to put any of it out at the end of the driveway. Maybe I should put a sign on the trashcan, because eventually I'm going to lose that letter. It would be embarrassing to have to call the trash company every three days to ask them which day gets which service. I don't want to be "that customer."

Another voter brought their dog. I've seen more dogs here this morning than children. I wonder if any of the dog people have kids. Brought their dog, but left the kids at home. That would be funny.

I wonder if tomorrow morning we'll really know who the next President will be. I sincerely doubt it. There are too many variables. The only thing I'm sure of for tomorrow is that I'll be tired and hungover.

It's getting a little too warm out here, but I don't want to take off my hooded-sweatshirt. I need to buy new clothes. I wear the same 5 outfits to work every week. I wonder if people have noticed. Probably. I just don't care enough to buy new clothes. It's such a pain in the ass and a waste of time. I do really want some cozy, long sleeved shirts, though. They might be worth the effort.

Didn't that couple go into the polling place with 3 children? Why are they only coming out with two? Do they realize that they only have two children with them right now? They look intelligent enough. They're smart enough to vote for Kerry, so surely they're smart enough to count their children. Maybe the third kid belonged to someone else in line. I hope kid #3 didn't get abandoned. Why am I worrying about this? Obviously these people would've left with 3 kids if all 3 kids belonged to them. And anyway, kid #3 is cute so he'll have no trouble finding a new home.

The "I Voted" stickers have gotten much more elaborate.

Why aren't there more slogans about voting? There are the standards: Rock the Vote and Choose or Lose. I've heard "Make your vote count" and "Vote Early, Vote Often" quite a bit. P. Diddy's got the new "Vote or Die." How about substituting "vote" into product slogans:
-Catch the Wave...Vote.
-I'd like to buy the world a Vote.
-You're in good hands with Voting.
-I am stuck on Voting.
-Please don't squeeze the Voters.
-Sometimes you feel like a Vote, sometimes you don't.
-The King of Votes.
-This Vote's for you.
-Four out of five dentists recommend Voting.
-This is your Vote. This is your Vote on drugs. Any questions?
-Votes melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
-Let your fingers do the Voting.
-Snap! Crackle! Vote!
-Reach out and Vote someone.
-Nobody better lay a finger on my Vote.
-Leggo my Vote.
-There's always room for Voting.
-My baloney has a first name, it's V-O-T-E-R.
-Got Vote?
-Vote. It's what's for dinner.
-I'm not a Voter, but I play one on TV.
-We've replaced their regular candidate with Folger's Crystals.

Seriously folks, this is the kind of crap that just streams through my head. Whenever you see me with a furrowed brow, staring off at nothing, I am not pondering the meaning of our existence or making life-changing decisions. So please, when you see me in this altered state, tap me on the shoulder and strike up a conversation if you don't want to see any more of this nonsensical rambling in my blog.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Vote Dammit!

I was much more blissful when I didn't care about politics. Ignorant, but blissful.

I'm done discussing. I'm done reasoning. I'm done persuading. I'm done convincing. I'm done thinking. I'm just done. I believe I have hit political burnout. At this point, I don't even care who anybody votes for. Just go out and vote tomorrow. If you're still undecided, vote for Kerry. If you don't vote at all, you had better not utter even half a syllable of a complaint or a whine for the next four years. And if you do, may the Forces of Good kill you slowly with hanging chads.

*gets down off the soap box before she loses her balance and falls*