I Voted Dammit!

© Screaming Pea Productions

Either a disproportionate amount of the population has last names that begin with the letters A-G, or a big chunk of people with last names beginning with the letters H-Z were abducted by aliens last night (at least in Northern Virginia anyway). Or maybe the A-G voters are just really slow. Or the H-Z folks are evening voters. This morning I just breezed right on into the H-O line and voted. Then I had to wait in the parking lot for The Boss since we carpooled, and she's an A-G person. As I sleepily stood in the nice, warm sun, these are the thoughts that went through my head:

My sister's birthday is this week. I guess I could send her flowers. I really don't know what else to send her. I don't know of anything she needs, except for maybe a new husband. I don't think she'd like a new husband - not from me anyway. I can't even pick out clothes she likes, so my chances of picking out a husband that she likes are about a billion to one. I bet her current husband wouldn't like the new husband either. I wonder if he knows how much I don't like him. I probably shouldn't bring that up over the holidays.

Hey, weren't the terrorists supposed to disrupt our elections? Maybe they thought that last Bin Laden tape would be disruptive. If they did, they really overestimated themselves.

I have a lot of admiration for people who can effortlessly back up large vehicles, like garbage trucks, into small spaces.

Shit. I forgot to put our trash out. Or is today recycling day? I just looked at the letter last night and I've already forgotten which day is which. Oh well, it doesn't matter because I didn't remember to put any of it out at the end of the driveway. Maybe I should put a sign on the trashcan, because eventually I'm going to lose that letter. It would be embarrassing to have to call the trash company every three days to ask them which day gets which service. I don't want to be "that customer."

Another voter brought their dog. I've seen more dogs here this morning than children. I wonder if any of the dog people have kids. Brought their dog, but left the kids at home. That would be funny.

I wonder if tomorrow morning we'll really know who the next President will be. I sincerely doubt it. There are too many variables. The only thing I'm sure of for tomorrow is that I'll be tired and hungover.

It's getting a little too warm out here, but I don't want to take off my hooded-sweatshirt. I need to buy new clothes. I wear the same 5 outfits to work every week. I wonder if people have noticed. Probably. I just don't care enough to buy new clothes. It's such a pain in the ass and a waste of time. I do really want some cozy, long sleeved shirts, though. They might be worth the effort.

Didn't that couple go into the polling place with 3 children? Why are they only coming out with two? Do they realize that they only have two children with them right now? They look intelligent enough. They're smart enough to vote for Kerry, so surely they're smart enough to count their children. Maybe the third kid belonged to someone else in line. I hope kid #3 didn't get abandoned. Why am I worrying about this? Obviously these people would've left with 3 kids if all 3 kids belonged to them. And anyway, kid #3 is cute so he'll have no trouble finding a new home.

The "I Voted" stickers have gotten much more elaborate.

Why aren't there more slogans about voting? There are the standards: Rock the Vote and Choose or Lose. I've heard "Make your vote count" and "Vote Early, Vote Often" quite a bit. P. Diddy's got the new "Vote or Die." How about substituting "vote" into product slogans:
-Catch the Wave...Vote.
-I'd like to buy the world a Vote.
-You're in good hands with Voting.
-I am stuck on Voting.
-Please don't squeeze the Voters.
-Sometimes you feel like a Vote, sometimes you don't.
-The King of Votes.
-This Vote's for you.
-Four out of five dentists recommend Voting.
-This is your Vote. This is your Vote on drugs. Any questions?
-Votes melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
-Let your fingers do the Voting.
-Snap! Crackle! Vote!
-Reach out and Vote someone.
-Nobody better lay a finger on my Vote.
-Leggo my Vote.
-There's always room for Voting.
-My baloney has a first name, it's V-O-T-E-R.
-Got Vote?
-Vote. It's what's for dinner.
-I'm not a Voter, but I play one on TV.
-We've replaced their regular candidate with Folger's Crystals.

Seriously folks, this is the kind of crap that just streams through my head. Whenever you see me with a furrowed brow, staring off at nothing, I am not pondering the meaning of our existence or making life-changing decisions. So please, when you see me in this altered state, tap me on the shoulder and strike up a conversation if you don't want to see any more of this nonsensical rambling in my blog.