© HJB
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I'll Take "Places You'd Never Guess I Would Be" for $200
Dwight Yoakam concert at the 9:30 Club.
© HJB
© HJB
Thursday, August 04, 2005
She's Having A Baby!
"Little Cari from across the street" is having a baby!
Right now. (Okay technically she'll be induced in 7 minutes.)
Cari is the first person in our neighborhood that we met when my family moved to Georgia. She was 4 years old, lived in the house directly across the street, and the day we moved in, I think we'd barely been there an hour and she came bipping up to our garage holding her gloworm and her "nite nite" and introduced herself.
My Favorite. Cari Story. Ever.
I was with Cari the first time she got pulled over by a cop. We learned that when you get pulled over for speeding in your dad's pickup, and the cop asks you for your insurance and registration, and the passenger (me) opens the glove box to get them, and BULLETS FALL OUT, and both the driver and passenger realize that where there are bullets there is probably a gun, and then both the driver and passenger have a small stroke...it's okay because the cop doesn't care. Also, no ticket for the speeding.
Congratulations to the happy little family!
I still can't believe she's having a baby.
Update: Inducing of labor was delayed until the morning of the 5th. Baby Cooter (that's what The Boss and I have decided to call him) was born August 5th at 7:47pm. He was 8 pounds, 19 inches.
Right now. (Okay technically she'll be induced in 7 minutes.)
Cari is the first person in our neighborhood that we met when my family moved to Georgia. She was 4 years old, lived in the house directly across the street, and the day we moved in, I think we'd barely been there an hour and she came bipping up to our garage holding her gloworm and her "nite nite" and introduced herself.
My Favorite. Cari Story. Ever.
I was with Cari the first time she got pulled over by a cop. We learned that when you get pulled over for speeding in your dad's pickup, and the cop asks you for your insurance and registration, and the passenger (me) opens the glove box to get them, and BULLETS FALL OUT, and both the driver and passenger realize that where there are bullets there is probably a gun, and then both the driver and passenger have a small stroke...it's okay because the cop doesn't care. Also, no ticket for the speeding.
Congratulations to the happy little family!
I still can't believe she's having a baby.
Update: Inducing of labor was delayed until the morning of the 5th. Baby Cooter (that's what The Boss and I have decided to call him) was born August 5th at 7:47pm. He was 8 pounds, 19 inches.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Georgia On My Mind...And In The Backseat...And Also The Trunk
Tomorrow, after nearly three weeks in the great state of Georgia, The Bird and I and lots of my stuff that has been in my parents' attic will be trekking back home in a Ford Taurus (or similar). I hope it all fits. Being able to see out the windows is overrated anyway, right?
Lots to write about and tons of pictures to post, however, the prehistoric internet connection here is too slow to upload anything, and I opted for spending more time with people than the computer. But I keep scribbling notes on random scraps of paper so I don't forget the good stuff.
The only person who will be happy to see me go:
Affectionately referred to as The Favorite Daughter, this little clown has been stalking me since I arrived. Sometimes she likes me, sometimes she don't. This visit - she don't. Next visit - she might like me. She's a bird. It's what they do.
© Screaming Pea Productions
Lots to write about and tons of pictures to post, however, the prehistoric internet connection here is too slow to upload anything, and I opted for spending more time with people than the computer. But I keep scribbling notes on random scraps of paper so I don't forget the good stuff.
The only person who will be happy to see me go:
Affectionately referred to as The Favorite Daughter, this little clown has been stalking me since I arrived. Sometimes she likes me, sometimes she don't. This visit - she don't. Next visit - she might like me. She's a bird. It's what they do.© Screaming Pea Productions
Saturday, July 16, 2005
I'll Take "Places You'd Never Guess I Would Be" For $800
Harry Potter Midnight Magic Party at the Fayetteville Barnes and Noble.
Some of you might have to re-read the previous sentence again. I know I did.
Some of you might have to re-read the previous sentence again. I know I did.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes
I went potty all by myself this past weekend (which isn't necessarily all that different from any other weekend, or weekday for that matter) however this past weekend I had the added bonus of being congratulated for it. Spent the weekend with a childhood friend and her 3 year old and 18 month old, and at their house going potty is a BIG DEAL. Being in GA for three weeks gave me a chance to spend quality time with people who I usually see for only a half day at best. A weekend of cartoon shaped cereal, animated movies, bedtime stories, smooching little kid cheeks, and "Yay! You went potty!" was exactly what I needed. The 18 month old wasn't very talkative, but she loves me and that's all that really matters. She can talk, she just doesn't. But you can tell the wheels in her head are going 90 mph most of the time. When she does start making complete sentences, they will have something to do with quantum physics.
I can always count on the 3 year old for funny little conversations...
L: I can be an animal.
Me: You can? What animal are you?
L: I don't know.
Me: You're a monkey.
L: No I'm not.
Me: Okay then, what are you?
L: I'm a lion *raaawwrrrr*
Me: That's a good lion sound. Where do lions live?
L: Outside.
Me: Yes they do. Am I an animal?
L: Yes.
Me: What animal am I?
L: You're a monkey.
Me: Okay, I can be a monkey. But do lions eat monkeys?
L: No. They eat rocks.
Me: Lions eat rocks?
L: Yes.
Me: Okay. I did not know that. Do monkeys eat rocks, too?
L: No. You eat poop. *cackle*
Me: No...I think I will eat you.
*lots of screaming and laughing*
I can always count on the 3 year old for funny little conversations...
L: I can be an animal.
Me: You can? What animal are you?
L: I don't know.
Me: You're a monkey.
L: No I'm not.
Me: Okay then, what are you?
L: I'm a lion *raaawwrrrr*
Me: That's a good lion sound. Where do lions live?
L: Outside.
Me: Yes they do. Am I an animal?
L: Yes.
Me: What animal am I?
L: You're a monkey.
Me: Okay, I can be a monkey. But do lions eat monkeys?
L: No. They eat rocks.
Me: Lions eat rocks?
L: Yes.
Me: Okay. I did not know that. Do monkeys eat rocks, too?
L: No. You eat poop. *cackle*
Me: No...I think I will eat you.
*lots of screaming and laughing*
Perfect Timing
I went with Dad today to one of his many medical appointments. About halfway there I decided this would be a good time to tell him I got fired for two reasons: 1) It's a short ride, so a three hour lecture was out of the question and 2) He's usually a little loopy after he sees the pain specialist and I figured if the news made him mad he wouldn't care by the time he left the office.
Me: So I got fired.
Dad: You what?
Me: I got fired.
Dad: How did that happen?
(Insert discussion of standard questions and answers that go along with my firing.)
We arrive at the doctor's office. Dad fills out forms. We continue the discussion. He's not mad. And then at the end of the conversation he says what I have determined to be the best statement made during a discussion related to my firing: "Well, a few guys I worked with got fired for making guns on their lunch breaks with company machinery."
The kicker? Those guys got their jobs back.
Me: So I got fired.
Dad: You what?
Me: I got fired.
Dad: How did that happen?
(Insert discussion of standard questions and answers that go along with my firing.)
We arrive at the doctor's office. Dad fills out forms. We continue the discussion. He's not mad. And then at the end of the conversation he says what I have determined to be the best statement made during a discussion related to my firing: "Well, a few guys I worked with got fired for making guns on their lunch breaks with company machinery."
The kicker? Those guys got their jobs back.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Happy Blow Some Stuff Up Day
Spent most of the day hanging out at my sister's house. Mom called me around 9:30pm to let me know that the neighbor kid* and his buddies were "setting off a lot of fireworks and apparently a couple of them just left to go get Drano and some eggs**. His mom will be confiscating the Drano once it arrives, but be careful when you come home as fireworks and other projectiles may be headed toward you."
My mommy's always looking out for me.
*I call him a kid, however, he's 18 years old and recently graduated high school. I'm allowed to call him a kid because I babysat him from the time he was 9 months old until he didn't need a babysitter anymore.
**The Drano and eggs were not going to be used together. Apparently if you put liquid Drano in a container and some aluminum foil, and seal it, the chemical reaction causes pressure to build up and it eventually explodes. The eggs were used separately for target practice. DO NOT try any of this at home, even though Drano, eggs, and aluminum foil are common household products.
My mommy's always looking out for me.
*I call him a kid, however, he's 18 years old and recently graduated high school. I'm allowed to call him a kid because I babysat him from the time he was 9 months old until he didn't need a babysitter anymore.
**The Drano and eggs were not going to be used together. Apparently if you put liquid Drano in a container and some aluminum foil, and seal it, the chemical reaction causes pressure to build up and it eventually explodes. The eggs were used separately for target practice. DO NOT try any of this at home, even though Drano, eggs, and aluminum foil are common household products.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
A Bit Overdue
West Virginia Camping Weekend went well. Two of our friends met at our house the Friday morning before Memorial Day and we loaded up the truck, trailer, and Jeep, cranked up Willie Nelson's Midnight Rider and headed for the mountains. Traffic was a little slow heading west out of DC, but thanks to the informative truckers on CB channel 19 we knew that once we passed exit 42 it would be smooth sailing. Best CB quote from the weekend? "I hope all these sons of bitches knows where they're goin'. 'Cause if they don't, they're fucked." Listening to CB chatter is generally way more entertaining than any book on tape.
Friday evening we set up camp, caught up with the few of The Boss' family members that were already there, and went on a midnight 4-wheeler ride with Uncle T. I unintentionally ate a bug.
We woke up Saturday morning to rain. It wasn't supposed to let up for a while, so we decided to head into town, shower at Uncle T.'s house, and then drive over to The Boss' hometown. As soon as we left Uncle T.'s, the sun came out. We got to Hometown in about an hour and ate at The Boss' favorite restaurant. Best. Onion rings. Ever. I was extremely happy to finally be at a dining establishment that had real sweet tea. (Note to DC restaurants: Sweet tea is not you bringing me a glass of unsweet tea and a few packets of sugar and artificial sweetener. That is simply just gross.) After lunch we swung by Grandma B's place for a visit and then to the store to get more beer and also veggies because our bodies were going into carb shock. By the time we got back to camp that evening, The Boss' dad and his kids had arrived as well as Uncle G. and his family. The rain arrived upon our return, and the four of us were blamed for it. I took no responsibility because when one is traveling in a truck with three lawyers, one does not have to.
Sunday was beautiful and rain free. After breakfast, assembly of the ATV convoy began. It was briefly interrupted by The Boss' brother catching a large rainbow trout. We all went to "ooh" and "ahh" over the fish and then Operation Trout Resuscitation began. It was just like one of those dolphin releases you see on Animal Planet except that there were no cameras, no tears, no one in a wetsuit, no PETA freaks, and no endangered animal. I have to say I was a little perplexed as to why no one was going to keep the fish and eat it. But I was glad that Mr. Trout would be able to live on and tell all of his river friends about his alien abduction.
Convoy assembly resumed and Uncle T. led us on a three hour ride complete with deer sightings, storytelling, bird watching, outdoor urination, and scenic views. He also showed us how to get to the beer joint. (You know...if you're too drunk to drive to get more beer.) The trail dumps out about 100 yards from the Riverview SomethingOrOther bar. I'm assuming this is logic that makes sense only under intoxication, because there were parts of the trail that I could barely get through sober without dumping myself down the mountain or in the river. Can't get a DUI on an ATV, however you can kill yourself a lot easier.
Sunday night turned into campfire storytime. I laughed 'til I hurt. The entertainment consisted of stories including drunken dental hygeine, shooting at things, being shot at, saluting outhouses, various animal mishaps, and someone's wife driving for 30 miles on a flat tire ("Uh...the car's making a funny noise."). I was crowned with Best Technique-S'mores Marshmallow Melting, and have been instructed to add that as a resume booster. While discussing moonshine, Uncle G. came out with the best colloquialism of the trip. "That shit is so strong it'll make you take stuff back you never stole." Yes...yes it is.
Monday was pack up and get the hell outta dodge before it rains day. Went for one last short ATV ride and took pictures down by the river. I combated car sickness by sleeping for most of the trip home. We picked up The Dog and The Bird, who had a wonderful time at our friends' house. The Dog was like, "Oh...are you back? Whatever. They love me here." And The Bird was like, "Screech! Screech! Prettybird. What? What? What?"
And then our happy but pooped family went home and ate dinner and went to bed and passed out.
Friday evening we set up camp, caught up with the few of The Boss' family members that were already there, and went on a midnight 4-wheeler ride with Uncle T. I unintentionally ate a bug.
We woke up Saturday morning to rain. It wasn't supposed to let up for a while, so we decided to head into town, shower at Uncle T.'s house, and then drive over to The Boss' hometown. As soon as we left Uncle T.'s, the sun came out. We got to Hometown in about an hour and ate at The Boss' favorite restaurant. Best. Onion rings. Ever. I was extremely happy to finally be at a dining establishment that had real sweet tea. (Note to DC restaurants: Sweet tea is not you bringing me a glass of unsweet tea and a few packets of sugar and artificial sweetener. That is simply just gross.) After lunch we swung by Grandma B's place for a visit and then to the store to get more beer and also veggies because our bodies were going into carb shock. By the time we got back to camp that evening, The Boss' dad and his kids had arrived as well as Uncle G. and his family. The rain arrived upon our return, and the four of us were blamed for it. I took no responsibility because when one is traveling in a truck with three lawyers, one does not have to.
Sunday was beautiful and rain free. After breakfast, assembly of the ATV convoy began. It was briefly interrupted by The Boss' brother catching a large rainbow trout. We all went to "ooh" and "ahh" over the fish and then Operation Trout Resuscitation began. It was just like one of those dolphin releases you see on Animal Planet except that there were no cameras, no tears, no one in a wetsuit, no PETA freaks, and no endangered animal. I have to say I was a little perplexed as to why no one was going to keep the fish and eat it. But I was glad that Mr. Trout would be able to live on and tell all of his river friends about his alien abduction.
Convoy assembly resumed and Uncle T. led us on a three hour ride complete with deer sightings, storytelling, bird watching, outdoor urination, and scenic views. He also showed us how to get to the beer joint. (You know...if you're too drunk to drive to get more beer.) The trail dumps out about 100 yards from the Riverview SomethingOrOther bar. I'm assuming this is logic that makes sense only under intoxication, because there were parts of the trail that I could barely get through sober without dumping myself down the mountain or in the river. Can't get a DUI on an ATV, however you can kill yourself a lot easier.
Sunday night turned into campfire storytime. I laughed 'til I hurt. The entertainment consisted of stories including drunken dental hygeine, shooting at things, being shot at, saluting outhouses, various animal mishaps, and someone's wife driving for 30 miles on a flat tire ("Uh...the car's making a funny noise."). I was crowned with Best Technique-S'mores Marshmallow Melting, and have been instructed to add that as a resume booster. While discussing moonshine, Uncle G. came out with the best colloquialism of the trip. "That shit is so strong it'll make you take stuff back you never stole." Yes...yes it is.
Monday was pack up and get the hell outta dodge before it rains day. Went for one last short ATV ride and took pictures down by the river. I combated car sickness by sleeping for most of the trip home. We picked up The Dog and The Bird, who had a wonderful time at our friends' house. The Dog was like, "Oh...are you back? Whatever. They love me here." And The Bird was like, "Screech! Screech! Prettybird. What? What? What?"
And then our happy but pooped family went home and ate dinner and went to bed and passed out.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Love Is...
Love is letting a certain someone out of her cage for three hours, knowing full well that there is a 100% chance that this certain someone will:
- pull half my hair out of the ponytail holder
- pull several hairs out of my head
- chew on the ponytail holder
- scream in my ear
- aggressively help me eat my lunch
- try to drink out of my glass
- try to take a bath in my glass when she's finished drinking
- attempt to dismantle everything within reach
- poop on me approximately twelve times
But she's just so darn cute...
© Screaming Pea Productions
- pull half my hair out of the ponytail holder
- pull several hairs out of my head
- chew on the ponytail holder
- scream in my ear
- aggressively help me eat my lunch
- try to drink out of my glass
- try to take a bath in my glass when she's finished drinking
- attempt to dismantle everything within reach
- poop on me approximately twelve times
But she's just so darn cute...
© Screaming Pea Productions
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
I Had A "Bunny Hugger" Moment Today
But really, I don't think anyone will hold it against me given the fact that when I looked out our back door window this afternoon, I saw the CUTEST STINKING THING. EVER.
© Screaming Pea Productions
© Screaming Pea Productions
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