I'll Still Get Carded When I'm 40

I turned 29 on Sunday and was hit with the realization that I had exactly one year left of being "twenty-something." This didn't really bother me, until I started thinking maybe it should bother me. So now it's bothering me - mainly because in other people's lives, it has bothered them, and for those of you who know me personally, you know I value other people's opinions much more than I value my own. (The fact that I am even expressing my opinions on a public web site caused a couple of pigs to get airborne.) For the past few days I've been making myself crazy with my "I'm almost 30 and I should be concerned about this for some reason" crisis. Through the magic of the internet that Al Gore created, I started reading things that other people want to do before they're 30. It began as a way to pass the time during lunch on Monday. I thought it would be amusing and entertaining, however, skimming several lists helped the paranoia set in. People want to do a lot of stuff before they're 30 - more than I really even want to do in my lifetime. Damn overachievers. I sat down and made my own list of the major goals that are of the utmost importance to me that I want to achieve at some point in the future. I came up with four (in no particular order):

I want to go back to school.
I want to have kids.
I want to travel to other countries.
I want a job, working with animals, that I love, where I will stay and work my ass off until I get too old to work there and retire and then start volunteering there.

Of course there are many other things I would like to do, but if I never get to do those things, I'm fine with that. If I never get over being claustrophobic, I won't feel like less of a person. If I never get a web comic site up and running, I won't feel like I didn't live up to my full potential. If I never go skydiving, I won't feel like I missed out. After 29 years, I've realized I need to stop comparing me to those who are not me. There will always be people that, when compared to them, I am the equivalent of a doorstop with an IQ of 53. On the other hand, there will always be people that in comparison make me look like a well-spoken, worldly, Nobel Prize winning genius.

I want to be a good partner, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, co-worker, student and volunteer. I'm a good mom to our current "kids" and eventually I want the opportunity to be a good mom to human kids. I am going to take my "Shortest List of Life Goals. Ever." and do it. It might be small, but it's going to take quite a bit of effort and growing and learning on my part. And if there's free time for skydiving, phobia-conquering, web comicing and any other ings, I'll consider myself fortunate.

Adventures In Procrastination

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

Okay so it's not much of a refund, but at least I don't owe anything.

I Bet Press'n Seal Didn't Have This Use In Mind

I'm going to submit a testimonial to GLAD:
While we have yet to use Press'n Seal for any of the many uses suggested on your website, we have found it works wonderfully for wrapping The Dog's bandaged leg when we take her outside to pee. Thank you for helping protect our little critter from bacteria, dirt, moisture and other harmful things.

The Boss and I learned two things last weekend:
1) We have one tough little dog
2) Our next house, and subsequent houses, will not have stairs.

The Dog cut her leg on something in the backyard and had to go to the emergency vet on Saturday afternoon. She was fully prepared to keep playing fetch on her 3 uninjured legs, however the fact that she was bleeding and I could see flesh that was not supposed to be seen ended the game early. The vet determined she needed stitches, so we left her there and picked her up a few hours later. We knew she'd still be groggy from the anesthesia and were prepared for her to be pretty miserable. The tech brought her out to the waiting room, complete with a big lampshade collar. It was so hard not to laugh. The poor thing was still teetery from the anesthesia, her eyes were all bleary and there was drool everywhere, but we could tell she was happy to see us from her butt-wiggle. If there's ever a casting call for the part of "Drunk Dog" she's so getting it.
We are extremely thankful that she was back to near normal by Sunday morning. Carrying a 75 pound dog up and down stairs multiple times, especially at one in the morning, is not fun. Though, we'd do it a hundred more times if we had to. I suppose we could've made her stay either upstairs or downstairs for the entire evening and night, but The Dog gets to do whatever The Dog wants as long as it is not detrimental to her health.
She's learning to maneuver with the lampshade. It took her about a day to get used to it, and I'm so going to hell for giggling sometimes when she runs into things. The Boss and I have already thrown around ideas for Halloween costumes.
Now we're just dealing with a dog who has a severe case of cabin fever. She's been on restricted activity for 5 days now and it's making her crazy. No fetch = HYPER DOG. We have to continue to restrict her activity for the next week and a half. Wish us luck.

Best. Colloquialism. Ever.

"He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel."
Courtesy of the Boss' uncle

Just Imagine What I'd Be Like At An Animal Shelter

The Boss and I went to the guitar store yesterday because she wanted to look at drums. Of course, we wandered the entire store. The main part of the building is mostly electric guitars and amps and then there are separate rooms for drums, keyboards and acoustic guitars. As we entered the acoustic room, I spotted a guitar hanging on one of the wood columns and immediately knew that I was not leaving the store without it.
Everyone, meet Charlotte:

© Screaming Pea Productions
She is beautiful and I love her and if you say anything bad about her I will kick your ass.
Some of you may be thinking, "I didn't know Invert Girl played guitar."
I don't.
I had a brief stint of guitar lessons in junior high. "Guitar With Coach Bowen" was one of the few mandatory elective classes that didn't suck. A couple weeks into the class, mom found a guitar at a garage sale and bought it for me. I learned a few songs, played it a bit after the class ended, and then I think something on it broke and that was the end of my guitar era.
I have now entered my second guitar era that, from this point on, will be known as the Charlozoic Period. (Why yes, I was in the science club. Why do you ask?)
I don't know that I will actually get into playing guitar again. I discovered yesterday my fingers aren't long enough to reach some of the chords. But in the meantime, Charlotte has been enduring experimentation with my camera and photo editor.

© Screaming Pea Productions

Here Are Blogs That Are Way Better Than Mine

Winners of the 2005 Bloggies were announced yesterday.

Most Disgusting. Candy. Ever.

The Cherry Mash.

Also, I don't know why they call it a candy "bar." It's more like a mound. Eew.

Just In Case There Was Any Doubt

This morning's news ran a story about terrorists hacking into US power grids and the possibility of a plan to cause a large, nationwide blackout. Essentially, the point of the story was this: A lot of power companies suck technologically. It would be very easy to hack into their systems. A 12 year old at computer summer camp could bring down a grid during a bathroom break.

Thanks for letting the terrorists know they're barking up the right tree.

"Abnormal"

I'll take "Words you don't want to hear during your sonogram" for $200 please, Alex.

I have learned a valuable lesson - make sure that your primary care physician and staff are competent. Because even if 95% of the time when you use them it's only for a bad cold or to get a referral to a specialist, that other 5% of the time will hit you with severe abdominal pain on a Friday morning while you're at work. From that point on, your PCP and her staff will flawlessly demonstrate that their job skills do not include attention to detail, returning messages, listening comprehension, or basic knowledge of how to correctly obtain a blood pressure reading. Then, on Monday morning after the sonogram specialist utters the word "abnormal" you will get an overwhelming sinking feeling that is greatly magnified by the realization that you cannot entrust your doctor with any sort of serious medical problem.

Fortunately, I was able to find a new PCP within walking distance from work AND someone can see me tomorrow AND my insurance company has already updated my PCP in their system AND the sonogram center will gladly fax my results to my new PCP.

Update (3/10/05): Went to the new doc. Very competant. She doesn't think it's anything too serious. Follow up appointment scheduled. I feel much better now.

It's All About Priorities

So far, the grocery list on the fridge is as follows:

Bailey's
Gin
White Rum
Mixers
Lemon tahini dressing